Counter intuitive dating
In an age of increasing transparency and openness, there is more desire for people who are ‘real’, whose personalities are naked and raw, who accept and love their human blemishes that mark them out as just a ‘normal person’ with flaws like you and me. But it also has a darker side, when it permits people to feel unusually proud of their worst qualities, taking ownership of them as if they are just an essential part of the package of their personality.It’s the kind of thinking that says: “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure.It requires one to be attentive to the opinions and needs of others, maintain a level of playfulness and good humour, and have interesting ideas to contribute to conversation.It also demands that we coach ourselves away from the usual temptations: self-involvement to the point of tedium, an ugly tendency to be overly critical or negative about others, or getting morose and descending into a pity party of whiny self-loathing (just me, then? Many times you’ve heard Matt in his videos rail against the common advice to “just be yourself”.This idea of ironing out our bad qualities can strike some people as a betrayal of our personality.
Steve helped co-write the Get The Guy book and is a wealth of knowledge on dating and relationships.Looking back, I see even then we were trying to get at the importance of remaining consistent throughout the relationship.This doesn’t just mean increasing the amount of love we shower our partner with, but also curbing our negative traits and minimizing how often we subject our partner to our worst side.One of the reasons Matt and I always tired of this slogan was its pretense to champion authenticity and ‘being real’, when in fact it was often being used as a get-out clause to excuse people for their most repellent character flaws.Many people think that it is enough to be incredible company just once in a while, as though this will compensate for any other flaws they exhibit the rest of the time. To test your own opinion on this matter, just answer the following question: My guess is that your answer is no.